Does my bum look big in this?

Women’s bums are huge right now (popularity-speaking).  Beyonce, Kim Kardashian, Nicki Minaj – all these women are revered for flaunting their non-flat booties with pride.  Pippa Middleton sparked a frenzy when she bent down in that bias-cut white dress to pick up her sister’s wedding train (and hers isn’t even very big) and men and women the world over drooled at her shapely derriere.  

Major, not Minaj

 Couldn't resist this pic of the inimitable Coco,
AKA Mrs Ice-T            

      Kim doing what she does best                   

Now I hope this post doesn’t come across as conceited, but I want to try and get across a message here.  From previously obsessing about it I’m now accepting, and even embracing my shape.  I’ve finally realised what I should have realised all along – that my own curvy rear is actually an asset. (You could say it was an ASSet!  Boom boom)  On one hand, I could do with toning up, but then again, I’m no means a big girl, so as long as I get the proportions right, I can get away with it.  Okay, so I look a bit wrong in skinny jeans, but pour me into a stretchy pencil dress and I’m Jessica Rabbit.  Over the years and various wardrobe challenges, victories and fails I have learned to make the most of what my dad's side of the family, and pasta (to paraphrase Sophia Loren) gave me.  If you’ve got it, flaunt it (just not too much, eh Coco?)  My black leather jeans (what? it was the 90s!) were apparently carte blanche for strangers to spank me as they walked past.  “I couldn’t help it, it was just so shiny and round!” a woman helpfully protested after I’d yelped in pain and indignation.  Fortunately I’ve pushed the trauma (and bum clinging trousers) to one side and discovered that my love of retro styles and womanly clothing, and what’s available out there right now fit in well with my shape. 

My current favourite clothing label is Diva Catwalk, which on first look, is quite WAGgy, in fact its celebrity clientele currently includes Amy Childs from The Only Way Is Essex and professional mistress Imogen Thomas.  But you’ve got to admit these ladies look good – the clingy dresses show off their bangin’ bods without showing off lots of flesh, (“I’m a serious actress/presenter/whatever”) and are spot on with the colour-block trend.  And looking a little closer, aren’t they similar to the Roland Mouret and Victoria Beckham styles, but a tenth of the price? 

I’ve never felt more slinky than I do in their aptly-named black ‘Va Va Voom’ dress (and peplums are so next season)  [centre, green] And my bright yellow ‘Mandy’ dress [3rd from left] was a hit at my friend’s wedding the other week.  I’ve managed to track down a couple of other dresses at more bargainous prices on eBay, including the red ‘Georgina’ [3rd from right, turquoise] which has incredibly flattering pleating across the tummy and cute cap sleeves.  They’re not as scary as they look – and if you’re not afraid to be bootylicious, check them out! www.divacatwalk.co.uk

Altogether now: "I like big butts and I cannot lie..."