Hard Times

In my last post, (written way too long ago, sorry) I made a flippant comment about the collapse of the economy.  Well, it has come back to bite me on the arse because it has just been announced that high street clothing store Peacocks has sadly gone into administration.  I write this with a heavy heart as I always felt Peacocks was my style secret; a large proportion of my wardrobe is from there and among the fleecy pyjamas and kidswear, very reasonably priced fashion gems could be found.  It seems that more and more shops are falling prey to the financial meltdown; La Senza went under last month (despite their bras having far too much ludicrous padding, they always seemed busy), Past Times, and Bon Marche (same group as Peacocks).  I reckon HMV have got to be next, and I’m still in mourning for the demise of Borders and Woolworth’s Kids’ Pick’n’Mix.

Just a few of Pearl Lowe for Peacocks' gorgeous dresses

It surprises me about Peacocks though because they seemed to have a strong online presence, unlike say, Primark who only retail through their nightmare stores.  And the Pearl Lowe collections and Peacocks by Design were a triumph, and often highly recommended by fashion editors, celebrities and magazines alike.  Designer, rock chick, mother of model Daisy and generally awesome person Pearl Lowe had her own top-end collection of vintage-inspired and antique lace dresses when she was approached by Peacocks to produce a high-street priced range.  But I’m convinced they were made just for me and my shape!

See what I mean?

The word had spread but still felt exclusive – the collection was only available in larger stores and online, and didn’t have the ubiquity of (again) Primark.  I’ve never seen someone in the same dress as me when I’m out (despite having over 20 of them), and I have had countless “What a lovely dress, where’s that from?” compliments, followed by a “What, PEACOCKS?” when I told them, and then further amazement when I told them the price.

Interesting vintage style fabrics and thoughtful design features such as covered little buttons on cuffs, concealed zips and flattering darts gave Pearl’s dresses a far more expensive look than they actually cost, plus I can attest that they stand up to washing (the dry clean only dresses are fine in the machine on a delicate cycle) and surviving my messy clumsiness!   Several other stores could take Peacocks’ tips here *cough*Gap*cough*...

To be seen (on me) at a formal event near you soon

So where next for Pearl?  I hope she will be snapped up by another store, but am concerned that there may be some compromise either in quality or more likely higher price.  Where next for me?  I’m going to have to wear my current dresses until they’re rags, and when they’re gone, I’ll just have to look rubbish.  Which store will fold next?  And, most importantly, where next for the 10,000 redundant employees of Peacocks?

More here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2012/jan/18/peacocks-falls-into-administration?newsfeed=true

Winter Wonderingland

The approach of winter seems to have brought up some style conundrums. How do I do 'layering' without looking like I've put on a few extra pounds? Can I wear these sandals with black opaque tights?  How do you carry a shoulder bag when you're wearing a cape?  And is wearing a hat worth it if it totally flattens your hair?  Last year I had a cute knitted teal-coloured beret which also made me look like I had a lobotomy scar when I took it off due to the elastic digging into my forehead.  But the things I've mainly been wondering about is all about gloves (yes, stuff Europe's collapsing economy and the uprisings in the Middle East, WHAT ABOUT THE GLOVES?)

The delectable Dita in fetish-style evening gloves

The ladylike Crawley sisters

Several trends this season, such as 'Ladylike' and 'Fetish' have gloves as an outfit-making accessory.  My beloved Downton Abbey's heroines wear gloves to all elegant events.  But nowadays, apart from keeping our hands warm when it gets brass monkeys outside, can gloves be worn all the time, like jewellery?  This week's LOOK Magazine suggests "swapping last season's stacked bangles for a pair of coloured leather gloves".  But are civilians like me wearing them indoors?  Can I sit at my computer at work in the elbow-length black gauntlets I've bought but not yet worn, without my colleagues asking me if I've got a bad case of eczema or channelling Dr No?   Could I go down the pub or out to dinner still wearing my gloves?  Thing is, it's not just a trend thing; I'm a big fan of their elegance.  I had a pair of Edwardian style crochet white gloves from the V&A shop which I wore to a wedding a few years ago (but came a cropper with some fake blood from my Halloween 'Murdered Victorian Prostitute' costume on their second outing), and I felt so refined and possibly even dainty.  I've worn long gloves to fancy dress events but the thing is, eating, holding a glass, going to the loo, finding stuff in my bag, and well, pretty much everything have all proved far less effective.  And don't even get me started on operating an iPhone's touch screen.  It seems that despite the attempt to bring chic accessories to everyday life, their inpracticality means they can only be used for special occasions.  Or if you're just really really cold.  Or playing football.  I'd really like to try to wear them more though, and am going to keep my eyes out for fellow fashionistas willing to take a risk.  And if it's good enough for glamorous icons like Lady Mary Crawley and Miss Piggy, it's worth it.

Me on a previous (rare) glove-wearing occasion

So I don't seem to have come up with any ground breaking theories or answers, but I got through a whole post without making any glove-based puns, which for me is a great achievement.  Believe me, this post came very close to being called 'What's Gloves Got To Do With It?'.  Ugh.

Tart Deco

It was my birthday last week and so to say goodbye to my 20s, what better way to celebrate than in the decadent style of the 1920s? Cocktails, glamour, dancing and general fabulousness...OKAY, there was a bit of stretching the truth there, I confess I actually left my 20s behind three years ago.  AHEM.  Know what though, I’m going to stop lying about my age now.  I might even put a few years ON and then people will be really impressed with my youthfulness.  [“I’m 45 you know – and I owe it all to moisturiser!”].

But anyway, back to the 1920s, that part was true.  My friends and I attended the fantastic Prohibition club which takes place every few months speakeasy style at a secret location, set up by the people from Bourne & Hollingsworth, who have a great retro bar in Fitzrovia and are also responsible for Blitz Party, SS Atlantica and Belle Epoque parties (40s, 30s and turn of the century respectively).  Authentic detail is paramount, with live music, cocktails in teacups, casino and dressing up being de rigeur.  And EVERYBODY makes an effort.

Your Blogger

I’ve got a thing for the 1920s and Art deco in particular, partially thanks to The Shoe Queen by Anna Davis, Claridge's and the Ritz Bar, and even the decor of my own living room, so I really wanted my costume to be as authentic as possible.  I decided to take my inspiration from bits I already had in my wardrobe, most importantly an awesome peacock feather cape I bought from Topshop several months ago and hadn’t had the opportunity to wear yet (when I bought it, HB’s first comment was “Um, Danny La Rue called.  He wants his stage costume back.”). 

Channelling one part Tallulah from Bugsy Malone, one part Erté print, and with a little help from the trusty internet I built my look.  The evening wear of a typical flapper seems to have been a drop-waisted, tasselled or beaded dress.  However I had to keep it plain, what with all that feathery action, plus all the dresses I have aren't cut for the flat-chested, boyish hipped bodies of the 20s girls.  I didn’t want to have to spend much on something I knew wasn’t going to be particularly flattering, so I found an £8 knee-length slip in Primark which would do nicely [and could be worn under stuff when it gets colder – dear God, I really am showing my real age!]  I got it in a size 16-18 so it would be loose, but I probably could have gone even bigger as it was still fairly clingy (I swear I didn’t have that much birthday cake, honest).  Primark came up trumps again for some tights with faux stocking tops and a pair of turquoise patent mary jane shoes for £10. TEN POUNDS!  I try not to think about the sweatshop issues, and instead think how these would also go with this season’s 60s trend and look a little bit Prada.

Shoes, Primark. Cankles, Model's Own

A fascinator I made a couple of years ago out of a £1.99 alice band, UHU and 3 peacock feathers left over from my wedding invitations went perfectly.  I was supposed to transform my hair into a finger-waved faux bob after watching a couple of great tutorials on YouTube using GHDs and Kirby grips.  Of course, nothing is as simple as it seems and 15 mins before the taxi arrived I looked like Wurzel Gummidge and decided instead to improvise by slicking my hair down and pinning it into a low bun, and with a little help from my beautiful best friend (who was already looking like she’d stepped out of The Great Gatsby), draped a necklace across my forehead and pinned it at the sides. Voila! Instant deco chic.

Again, a bit of internet research helped me get the makeup right, with kohl-rimmed eyes, dark defined brows, and a dark red cupids-bow lip.  Even my perfume was 1920s style - Penhaligon's Juniper Sling (my favourite birthday present) which smells rather like gin. (Very apt for me).  Lastly, long black gloves (from my fancy-dress box) and a long string of pearls completed the look, with a black sequinned evening bag.  And lashings of champagne of course!

Meanwhile I made sure HB was evoking Kevin Costner in the Untouchables rather than Al Capone (although he was Bugsy Malone in his school play, so has previous 20s style experience).  He looked pretty yummy in a pinstriped brown and grey suit, waistcoat, slicked centre parted hair and a rather dapper trilby, which we picked up for £6 at the fancy dress shop.  In fact, all the men looked great, it was definitely a decade for gentlemanly style. Swoooon.

So we all had a 'swell' time, plus coincidentally I noticed that during the last few weeks, 1920s/Art deco style is one of the themes emerging for SS 2012 (Etro, Gucci, Roberto Cavalli).  Keep an eye on Prohibition’s website www.prohibition1920s.com for announcement of the next event, and maybe we’ll Charleston together on the dance floor...  Meanwhile, let's check out some more Bugsy Malone eh?

Happy New Year!

I’ve always thought of September as New Year, much more than January.  The end of the Summer, the significant change in the seasons, the new school/university year, and for September birthday people like me, another year older.  January’s just the same as December really, only less festive and more depressing.  September is a time for new beginnings...and new clothes, yay!  I’ve already put away the summer clothes I only wore once (yes you, lemon-print skirt), put my pasty legs back in the opaque tights and browsed through the lovely thick September issues of the glossy mags, working out what I would like to be wearing this season (and then probably just buying a jumper dress from H&M and wearing it until March, as I seem to do every year).  Of course, now I have this blog, it would probably be useful to actually talk about the trends for A/W 11 and maybe even investigate them, rather than just throwing a cardi over what I already have.  So let’s briefly discuss a few of them...


Trend: Polka dots; Stars

As seen at Marc Jacobs and Stella McCartney, and Dolce & Gabbana. Feminine and fun, right?  Not all over or both at the same time though, lest you look like an escapee from Zippo’s Circus.

Will I wear it?: Yes!  Am actually wearing spots today; and have loved stars since they were all over my childhood bedroom ceiling.  WANT.


Trend: Jewel box                                                                                                                               

                                       Bright gem colours, wine shades, metallics, paillettes (big sequins in fash-speak)

Will I wear it?: Oh heck yes.  So me!  I'm a magpie. (Wine is also very me.)


Trend: 70s

Knee-high suede platforms, floppy hats, afghan coats, snake print, disco, russets and mustards – all very autumnal.  Studio 54 meets Margo Leadbetter.

Will I wear it?: Possibly.  I’m still trying to work out the bow bit on a pussy-bow blouse without looking like Margaret Thatcher, and how practical a big floppy hat would be on the tube. 

Trend: 60s

Mod style Shift dresses, go-go boots, chunky heeled courts, tunics over trousers, cocoon coats. 

Will I wear it?: Maybe not.  This trend was mainly designed for boyish figures like Twiggy, which I do not have.  Plus I’ve been phasing miniskirts out of my wardrobe.  Flashing my pants is no longer fun for anyone.  Which brings me on to...

Trend: Fetish

Not gimp suits and ball gags, but more Miss Whiplash dominatrix; leather, rubber, lace up boots, sheer, big knickers, peaked caps, waist cinching belts. Yes, Mistress!

Will I wear it?: I would love to but I don’t think a rubber skirt and leather bra top would quite work in the office...plus I’d be terrified of attracting pervy old men on the street asking how much they could pay to lick my shoes.  Might be able to do a prudish version though with a pencil skirt and a sheer-ish blouse though.  On your knees, worms! *wsssht-crack!* [that's supposed to be a whip sound. Or "whuppah!' according to Chandler Bing]

Trend: Androgyny

Flat shoes, blazers, trousers, shirts buttoned all the way up. Yuck!

Will I wear it? No!  Again, this is not a boyish physique, and you probably know how I feel about brogues.  Even if I did try it, a crisp white shirt would last about 30 seconds before I spilled tea on it.

Trend:  Heritage

Tweed, tartan, midi skirts, riding boots, heeled loafers, fur tippets; eccentric English country lady.

Will I wear it?: OMG Penelope Keith in To the Manor Born! YES!

Trend: Folk

                                                           

Ponchos? Crochet blankets? Fringing? MY EYES!

Will I wear it?: No folking way.

So - The Verdict: Hmmm.   Well, there are some things I like, and some I haaaate.  But I’m sure the High Street will provide me with the odd piece I can drop in here and there to maybe ‘nod’ to the new season without going full Anna Della Russo nutty (or spending a fortune on Net-a-Porter). I'm sure you'll be able to hear the whimpers from the changing room and smell the melting of my credit card from wherever you are. Or maybe just watch this space!

Does my bum look big in this?

Women’s bums are huge right now (popularity-speaking).  Beyonce, Kim Kardashian, Nicki Minaj – all these women are revered for flaunting their non-flat booties with pride.  Pippa Middleton sparked a frenzy when she bent down in that bias-cut white dress to pick up her sister’s wedding train (and hers isn’t even very big) and men and women the world over drooled at her shapely derriere.  

Major, not Minaj

 Couldn't resist this pic of the inimitable Coco,
AKA Mrs Ice-T            

      Kim doing what she does best                   

Now I hope this post doesn’t come across as conceited, but I want to try and get across a message here.  From previously obsessing about it I’m now accepting, and even embracing my shape.  I’ve finally realised what I should have realised all along – that my own curvy rear is actually an asset. (You could say it was an ASSet!  Boom boom)  On one hand, I could do with toning up, but then again, I’m no means a big girl, so as long as I get the proportions right, I can get away with it.  Okay, so I look a bit wrong in skinny jeans, but pour me into a stretchy pencil dress and I’m Jessica Rabbit.  Over the years and various wardrobe challenges, victories and fails I have learned to make the most of what my dad's side of the family, and pasta (to paraphrase Sophia Loren) gave me.  If you’ve got it, flaunt it (just not too much, eh Coco?)  My black leather jeans (what? it was the 90s!) were apparently carte blanche for strangers to spank me as they walked past.  “I couldn’t help it, it was just so shiny and round!” a woman helpfully protested after I’d yelped in pain and indignation.  Fortunately I’ve pushed the trauma (and bum clinging trousers) to one side and discovered that my love of retro styles and womanly clothing, and what’s available out there right now fit in well with my shape. 

My current favourite clothing label is Diva Catwalk, which on first look, is quite WAGgy, in fact its celebrity clientele currently includes Amy Childs from The Only Way Is Essex and professional mistress Imogen Thomas.  But you’ve got to admit these ladies look good – the clingy dresses show off their bangin’ bods without showing off lots of flesh, (“I’m a serious actress/presenter/whatever”) and are spot on with the colour-block trend.  And looking a little closer, aren’t they similar to the Roland Mouret and Victoria Beckham styles, but a tenth of the price? 

I’ve never felt more slinky than I do in their aptly-named black ‘Va Va Voom’ dress (and peplums are so next season)  [centre, green] And my bright yellow ‘Mandy’ dress [3rd from left] was a hit at my friend’s wedding the other week.  I’ve managed to track down a couple of other dresses at more bargainous prices on eBay, including the red ‘Georgina’ [3rd from right, turquoise] which has incredibly flattering pleating across the tummy and cute cap sleeves.  They’re not as scary as they look – and if you’re not afraid to be bootylicious, check them out! www.divacatwalk.co.uk

Altogether now: "I like big butts and I cannot lie..."

Sensible Shoes and Sensibility

I seem to have a reputation for buying shoes.  I cannot lie, I do love shoes and seem to have a fair few pairs, but I generally always buy stuff that’s reasonably priced or on sale, honest!  I think the psychological reason for this so-called addiction must be because I have been cursed with size 41 feet (a man-sized 42 in some shops, weep), and to combat this, I need to buy shoes that make my feet feel beautiful.  (Did that sound convincing?)

However, this seemingly frivolous story has now taken on a tragic chapter. My friends, I have developed bunions, particularly on my left foot.  Clearly, it wasn’t enough that I look like I’ve got extra joints in my prehensile monkey toes, now the big toe joints want to move out sideways as well.  Not fair! Yes, I love high heels, but I don’t wear them all the time; I don’t like and have never worn pointy shoes; I often wear comfortable shoes for distance and change when at my destination...but even flat shoes hurt me now.  Am I going to have to choose between orthopaedic shoes or a wheelchair?

And there’s no such thing as a pair of shoes which are comfortable AND beautiful, trust me.  A recent trip to Clarks had me practically retching at the sensible granny sandals.

Vs.

A few months ago I bought the heels above for my best friend’s wedding – I’m one of the ‘Wing Women’ and part of our dress code is red shoes.  Although they concerned me with their height (I’m over 5 foot 8 and these babies were pushing me up to drag queen proportions), they felt fine in their nice soft suede and elegant 50s pin-up shape.  But it now appears that my feet have literally mutated, and at an alarming rate.  With 2 weeks until the big day, last night I began the breaking-in process by wearing them around the flat with thick socks on. After a couple of hours my foot joints were actually throbbing.  How am I going to last a whole day in them, let alone lead a wedding disco conga?  I think I may have to replace them. Typical that this is way out of the 28 day returns policy and they’ve now gone down in the sale!

I think I’ve found an alternative- the red version of the LK Bennett shoes Kate Middleton wore a few weeks ago.  They’re still elegant and soft suede, but closer to the ground therefore in theory helping realign my balance onto my foot. But then again Kate wouldn’t baulk at the still pricey sale price of £125, especially as I’ve already spent £70 on the other pair. SIGH.  Otherwise I think I’ve tried nearly every red shoe available in the UK on and they’re either too casual, too uncomfortable or too ugly and cankle-y.  There’s nothing else for it.  After I’ve forked out for those, the others (and many of their neighbours unfortunately) are going on eBay. Then I’m saving up for a foot operation...

Cut it out

In these sleazy tabloid times, I have a confession to make: I read the Daily Mail website. DON'T JUDGE ME. I may not have adopted their self righteous right-wing attitudes (yet...!) but I do enjoy their vapid celeb articles.  [This is as old as the hills but still makes me laugh: The Daily Mail-o-matic headline generator - sample: 'Have Benefit Claimants Made British Swans Obese?]  Anyway, I noticed there seems to be endless 'news' articles about celebs wearing bikinis, either 'showing off her stunning figure' (or 'flaunting her curves' if she's considered a bit fat).

I usually skim over these, as my retinas had only just about recovered from the assault of Toni Terry's slutsuit, when another WAG type unleashed ('leash' being an apt word) this stupid thing:

I have no idea who this woman is but she is dating a footballer with a name I can't spell

Now you might think it's not that bad.  But look closer.  What are those stupid tape measure-like straps and rivet holes?  What's the point?  I think that the trend for cut-out swimsuits or monokinis or whatever seems to be getting more extreme.  Designers must be wondering where else they can add superfluous straps to and cut holes from (eek!).  Obviously they’re not particularly good for swimming in or comfortable (Toni’s wedgie still makes me wince) but the thing that bugs me the most is how ridiculous the tan marks must be.  The main purpose of these cozzies is obviously for posing and sunbathing in, but the wearer must have to slap on a very high factor sun cream and spend most of their time in the shade or covered up, which would defeat the object surely? I have a bad enough time trying to avoid strapmarks. Can you imagine what you’d look like underneath if you spent too long in the sun in these?

The Christmas tree torso effect

Your belly would be as patchy as my picture layout skills

Plus only a very small proportion of the population would actually be able to wear these things.  If you had any hint of love handles they'd ooze out of all the holes.  But I guess that's the idea, isn't it?  It's for these celebs to show that they are not built like ordinary people and are rich enough to afford less fabric.  Fine, okay, I'm not bitter but just remember, there's a fine line between sultry and porny. Or this...

"I like!"