Sensible Shoes and Sensibility

I seem to have a reputation for buying shoes.  I cannot lie, I do love shoes and seem to have a fair few pairs, but I generally always buy stuff that’s reasonably priced or on sale, honest!  I think the psychological reason for this so-called addiction must be because I have been cursed with size 41 feet (a man-sized 42 in some shops, weep), and to combat this, I need to buy shoes that make my feet feel beautiful.  (Did that sound convincing?)

However, this seemingly frivolous story has now taken on a tragic chapter. My friends, I have developed bunions, particularly on my left foot.  Clearly, it wasn’t enough that I look like I’ve got extra joints in my prehensile monkey toes, now the big toe joints want to move out sideways as well.  Not fair! Yes, I love high heels, but I don’t wear them all the time; I don’t like and have never worn pointy shoes; I often wear comfortable shoes for distance and change when at my destination...but even flat shoes hurt me now.  Am I going to have to choose between orthopaedic shoes or a wheelchair?

And there’s no such thing as a pair of shoes which are comfortable AND beautiful, trust me.  A recent trip to Clarks had me practically retching at the sensible granny sandals.

Vs.

A few months ago I bought the heels above for my best friend’s wedding – I’m one of the ‘Wing Women’ and part of our dress code is red shoes.  Although they concerned me with their height (I’m over 5 foot 8 and these babies were pushing me up to drag queen proportions), they felt fine in their nice soft suede and elegant 50s pin-up shape.  But it now appears that my feet have literally mutated, and at an alarming rate.  With 2 weeks until the big day, last night I began the breaking-in process by wearing them around the flat with thick socks on. After a couple of hours my foot joints were actually throbbing.  How am I going to last a whole day in them, let alone lead a wedding disco conga?  I think I may have to replace them. Typical that this is way out of the 28 day returns policy and they’ve now gone down in the sale!

I think I’ve found an alternative- the red version of the LK Bennett shoes Kate Middleton wore a few weeks ago.  They’re still elegant and soft suede, but closer to the ground therefore in theory helping realign my balance onto my foot. But then again Kate wouldn’t baulk at the still pricey sale price of £125, especially as I’ve already spent £70 on the other pair. SIGH.  Otherwise I think I’ve tried nearly every red shoe available in the UK on and they’re either too casual, too uncomfortable or too ugly and cankle-y.  There’s nothing else for it.  After I’ve forked out for those, the others (and many of their neighbours unfortunately) are going on eBay. Then I’m saving up for a foot operation...

Cut it out

In these sleazy tabloid times, I have a confession to make: I read the Daily Mail website. DON'T JUDGE ME. I may not have adopted their self righteous right-wing attitudes (yet...!) but I do enjoy their vapid celeb articles.  [This is as old as the hills but still makes me laugh: The Daily Mail-o-matic headline generator - sample: 'Have Benefit Claimants Made British Swans Obese?]  Anyway, I noticed there seems to be endless 'news' articles about celebs wearing bikinis, either 'showing off her stunning figure' (or 'flaunting her curves' if she's considered a bit fat).

I usually skim over these, as my retinas had only just about recovered from the assault of Toni Terry's slutsuit, when another WAG type unleashed ('leash' being an apt word) this stupid thing:

I have no idea who this woman is but she is dating a footballer with a name I can't spell

Now you might think it's not that bad.  But look closer.  What are those stupid tape measure-like straps and rivet holes?  What's the point?  I think that the trend for cut-out swimsuits or monokinis or whatever seems to be getting more extreme.  Designers must be wondering where else they can add superfluous straps to and cut holes from (eek!).  Obviously they’re not particularly good for swimming in or comfortable (Toni’s wedgie still makes me wince) but the thing that bugs me the most is how ridiculous the tan marks must be.  The main purpose of these cozzies is obviously for posing and sunbathing in, but the wearer must have to slap on a very high factor sun cream and spend most of their time in the shade or covered up, which would defeat the object surely? I have a bad enough time trying to avoid strapmarks. Can you imagine what you’d look like underneath if you spent too long in the sun in these?

The Christmas tree torso effect

Your belly would be as patchy as my picture layout skills

Plus only a very small proportion of the population would actually be able to wear these things.  If you had any hint of love handles they'd ooze out of all the holes.  But I guess that's the idea, isn't it?  It's for these celebs to show that they are not built like ordinary people and are rich enough to afford less fabric.  Fine, okay, I'm not bitter but just remember, there's a fine line between sultry and porny. Or this...

"I like!"

Handbags and Glad Blags

Hello again and profuse apologies for going quiet on you.  I’ve had a bit of distracting stuff going on over the last couple of weeks, but am back to being shallow and talking about buying material things once more, don’t worry! 


So then, the sales have been on for a while but have generally failed to impress me with their ‘up to 50% off’ claims. Pah - 70% is where the real magic happens: such as this leather lovely I got yesterday from Episode at House of Fraser, £40.50 down from £135!

Ooo, ladylike boxy shape! Chain handle! Laser cutting! I did briefly consider one of those amaaaazing Christopher Kane neon laser cut clutches, but I had a feeling that as soon as I parted with my much needed £295, Primark would bring out their own bargainous version (still waiting; those kids in the sweatshops just aren’t cutting fast enough!). Plus I wanted one in each of the 4 colours.  So I figured that this tasteful taupe bag would bean alternative which would transcend seasonal trends and help me on my quest to look more grown up and polished.

(Speaking of polished, I discovered a company who claim to be able to restore leather handbags, and after a bit of negotiation, am hoping they’ll return my magenta Mulberry Mabel to at least a useable condition and give it a clean and a new coat of polish for £35.  It would certainly be brilliant if I could get it back out of the wardrobe and back onto my shoulder, because that was also a dearly beloved sale bargain and I could fit my entire WORLD into that bag.  I shall keep you updated if Mabel looks young and beautiful once more!)

Okaaay, I have to admit tasteful taupe wasn't quite enough to appease me...the retail therapy continued with a £25 impulse buy from ASOS (above).  This disco hottie could possibly pass for an Anya Hindmarch (ish) (below). Except I haven’t even used it yet and I’ve got glitter all over my desk, my bedroom, my face...I wonder if the glue is ten times better on the £250 version?