Wish You Were Here!

Apologies for the delay in this post (the subject now being several days old), I was in shock after hearing Hugh Hefner and his fiancée had split.  But it was true love!  (Maybe she actually read the terms of the Pre-Nup?) And on the subject of perfect couples...

Just as yet another Premier League footballer hits the headlines for his seedy infidelity, John Terry and his wife Toni are on holiday showing us just how in love they are.  Aww, look at them, how sweet that there just happened to be a photographer nearby to catch them unawares as they discreetly show their affection for one another.  Why, just a year ago, he was the one in the headlines and now here they are, more in love than ever.  All Toni had to do was stop wearing her ring for a couple of weeks and John had given up his numerous [alleged] infidelities and whisk her away on a few romantic holidays.  Of course, they’re a private, modest couple so they wanted to play this down, especially at this sensitive time for the family of the philanderer currently in the news.  Therefore Toni’s wearing a conservative one-piece bathing costume so nobody recognises them – also to observe the strict decency laws in the United Arab Emirates.  Well, regular tan lines are just so poor people.  Bless them and their heartwarming marriage.  What an inspiration.

Nigella's Burq-kini this ain't

Oh and look, Peter Crouch and Abbey Clancey are on holiday and just happen to have been caught smooching by a photographer too!  And Wayne and Colleen!  Looks like those hookers have been forgotten about!  Damn those paparazzi, ruining their intimate private time.  I wonder if Mr and Mrs Giggs are planning a romantic holiday anytime soon?  Wouldn’t we all be shocked if we saw how much in love they are when they’re alone together?  That would show the cynics!
[Font:  Sarcastic Sans].

I wish when HB and I were on holiday we had a photographer following us around.  We have mostly wonky drunk ones taken with a bad flash.  They could’ve just given us the cue and we could’ve sucked our stomachs in and smooched photogenically in the sea, rather than set the timer and desperately scrambled into position or tried to take a headshot at arm’s length and ended up with double chins and red eyes...

Exhibit A

Exhibit B